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C is for Care

Dear Scarlet,

After a busy weekend you know what I did? I sat in the bath tub and cried. You know why? Me either. After a solid twenty minutes of sulking in my tears though, I felt better. I have found myself at twenty-seven trying to figure out what it means to be a "good woman". Let's talk about biting off way more than I can chew. This world is just overflowing with articles and information all about it. Sometimes even when I read the Bible I get mad with what I feel like is conflicting messages. Keep the peace but also be bold and speak up? So is kindness telling it like it is or is it keeping quiet? It also says that we should be like Jesus who resembles a lion and a lamb. So is that a Llama? Because yesterday I just felt like a crocodile in a bath tub.

It got to the point where I stopped reading and if you couldn't tell I stopped writing. I didn't want to be another voice whom; a.) acted like I knew what I was doing or b.) telling anybody what they should be doing.

In the middle of my writing and reading hiatus, I stumbled on an audible. The book was called "The subtle art of not giving a F*ck". Yup. Some may even judge the book by its "unholy cover". However, it turns out being counterintuitive was exactly what I needed. Before you state how unrealistic this is, hang in there. The author, Mark Manson, talks about the fact that he isn't saying not to care about anything in fact he states,

"Not giving a f*ck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different. Let’s be clear. There’s absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. They’re couch potatoes and Internet trolls. In fact, indifferent people often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they give way too many f*cks".

Fearing to live is called anxiety. Then when you get to a point where you don't see the point in caring about anything at all that's called depression. However, the author gives us some tips. Apparently there is an art to not caring.

The first is that if you are going to care, care about the things that uphold YOUR VALUES.

Every person and living entity on this planet cares because it has to do with our survival. Geese care about the weather, ants care about collecting food, bee's care about honey, so on and so forth. These animals then also in a way choose to not care about other things. Lions could care less about the ants or the opinion of sheep. It's not helpful or useful information. It is not because the lions are mean. It is simply because they have choices they need to make for their survival.

The second point is my favorite. It is to expect suffering. Most self-help books are all about how to avoid uncomfortable feelings or even how you can be "happy". What if I told you that the very thing you commit your life to will inevitably be the thing that will make you cry? It really makes you think about if the things you are crying over actually matter. My favorite quote in the whole book is this “Who you are is defined by what you're willing to struggle for.” You want a fit body? Get to sweating. You want to own a business? Get acquainted with lack of sleep. You want a happy healthy marriage? Be willing to have awkward conversations about sex and get ready to get your feelings hurt. Its not about happiness. It is about committing to the joy and the suffering.

The beauty of this book is how it actually brought me back to the Bible. I never thought that a book with a cuss word in it would some how be a divine intervention. Guess I'm still learning not to judge a book by it's cover. Do you know anyone in the bible who stuck to a cause that made them suffer? LOL.

All of the people in the bible have very different stories and I believe that they even had very different approaches to life. However, they all knew what their values were and they all knew what they were willing to suffer for. Even to the point of death. Jesus knew that what he was passionate about was loving his people and he took the joy with the suffering. To the point where he died on a cross for a cause he cared about. A cause he was passionate about. By the way the word passion derives from a Latin root which means suffering. Jokes on us.

So care or don't care. Just know that you are making a choice to value something. I hope that the pain is worth it.

I'll see you in a while.






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