I is for Infected
Updated: Aug 31, 2020
I know the test results that you got from the doctors were mortifying. I know that the thoughts you had about yourself that came next were just as hurtful. How the voice in your head screamed that you are "disgusting" and "you deserve it." You felt dirty so you jumped in the shower and you scrubbed your skin until it was so red and sensitive it began to burn.
I'm glad you called your mom and she was able to somehow catch your tears through the phone. But I also know that even though the pill will fix the infection, it wont stop the rumors. It won't fix how you now view yourself mentally. And it definitely won't fix how you view yourself physically. You cry yourself to sleep. But your tears are not because you feel bad for yourself, they are tears of anger. You finally know what it means that sexual sin is truly a sin against yourself. Maybe one day you can forgive yourself but you won't forget. You can't look in the mirror.
Scarlet, I need you to look past the test results and look deeper. Go to what you were searching for.
Where you are standing is scary and you are embarrassed but the test results are not the end results. If you concentrate on the wrong part of this you will miss it. You will miss the opportunity to heal. They may give you the Scarlet Letter of being a ____ but that is their story to make themselves feel better.
Their conversation may be about you, but when they capitalize on your hurt and brokenness it is about making themselves feel more prestigious. Pride comes right before the fall.
We both know this wasn't what you were looking for. You were looking to be loved and wanted. No amount of bullying yourself or your body will give you freedom, just a mind caged by a lack of confidence and self-sabotage.
Find someone to talk with this about. Preferably someone you can trust or a professional.
You must face the bullies in your head to win the battle. True healing starts when you address what is within. Let this sting enough to influence future decisions but heal enough to move forward.
Remember, even Rahab was a harlot and God chose her to be the grandmother of the King. His name is Jesus Christ.