Updated: Aug 31, 2020
* The letter you are about to read contains sensitive content and may trigger an anxiety response, especially in those who have a history of self-harm. If you are currently experiencing thoughts of self-harm please call 988 or 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
I want to thank you for showing me your arms. I know the fresh red lines were not a sign of your weakness but instead a sign of you trying to cope. Trying to survive. I know the lines are a signal of the insurmountable pain on the inside.
You realized that when someone breaks a bone or sees a giant scar, the pain makes sense. So you try to make sense of your pain. You try to make your inside match your outside.
This is you trying to gain control. Control over your emotions. The one thing we both know you have control over, is well, your body.
Scarlet, I see you and I will sit with you until you feel lighter. Those marks on your arms won't fix the pain and something tells me they really don't match the inside anyway. The cut healed and it scabbed but your depression never went away. Every one needs help, even the most brilliant surgeons in the world can't do brain surgery on themselves.
Ignoring the problem won't work either. Pretending like everything is okay, is like ignoring termites in a house's foundation. From the outside it looks okay, but eventually the house will collapse. The voices in your head create the house you live in. It is time to clean house.
Don't forget that Jesus struggled too. The most perfect human being was tempted by the devil to end his life. You don't need to be put together to talk to him. And you don't need to question if your emotions are too big for him to handle. He wept too.
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
Scarlet, you are deeply loved.
A girl who had to learn how to ask for help herself.